Teenage Sons

What was life like for you when you were your teenage sons age? Was it similar or completely different?  Take a moment to think about it ….

Either way, what would you want him to know, feel, experience or have that you weren’t able to?

Sometimes parents might forget they were once their teenage sons age, and it’s important to be understanding and patient with the roller-coaster ride your teenage son can sometimes take you on.

Roller-coaster rides usually go up and down and through dark tunnels leaving you screaming and disoriented. It’s comparable to how your teenage son might feel and act while going through adolescence. He might be moody and impulsive one moment and happy and lovely the next.

Some parents might say, “I don’t get him.” “What’s wrong with him?”

Well, most likely nothing is wrong with him. He is a teenager going through an immense amount of changes both physically and mentally.

But, sometimes there is an underlying factor which might be causing you to have trouble with your teenage son. Or maybe he needs an another male role model in his life who can guide him through some of his challenges or to just be there to listen to your sons feelings.

One question I like to ask parents is, “How well do you know your teenage son?”

Some parents might be so busy or dismissive they come to realize they’re unable to find out the real details about who their son really is. This can lead to a strained relationship between parent and son.

Establishing a strong relationship with your teenage sons is mainly through nurturing. Getting to know someone and creating a trusting relationship means spending quality time together. It’s important to listen to your teenage sons ideas and feelings without criticizing him. If a parent criticizes or tells him his ideas are wrong or is forced to do something he doesn’t want to do, it will be very difficult for him to be open with the parent who makes him feel controlled.

Remember it is OK for your son to have different ideas and different feelings that are opposite.

The last thing you want to tell your teenage son is what to be interested in or what to do, because they will go as far away from it as possible. There really isn’t anything wrong about your teenage son questioning your beliefs, authority, or how you live your life. Please don’t take it personally. Believe it or not it’s actually normal and healthy for your teenage son to challenge a parent because it’s a part of the process of creating their own identity.

Some parents will scream and argue with their teenage sons about what’s right or who’s wrong on a topic or idea. A better idea is to encourage and challenge his thinking. But how do you do that?

teenage sons

 

Simply, create dialogue. Talk to him. Be aware of his thought process.

What have you talked about with your son today? Have you made time to go in-depth about his ideas, thoughts, or what might be challenging his in life? Talking to your son or creating dialogue with him is very important during the teen years. It can create a better relationship between parent and son. It will help you understand your teenage sons passions as long as you’re patient and open minded.

But sometimes it can be very challenging for parents to engage their teenage sons, or the teenage son doesn’t want to talk with the parent. One reason for that might be because the parent will come across as expecting the worst from their teenage son.

Do you expect the worst? The first step to helping your teenage sons succeed is to trust them and expect positive outcomes for them.

According to Jacques Wiesel, “A survey of one hundred self-made millionaires showed only one common denominator. These highly successful men and women could only see the good in people.” And Benjamin Disraeli understood and practiced this concept, he said, “The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own.”

Believe it or not, trusting your son will help him succeed. Expecting the worst of him will most likely give you and your son the worst.

I think the first step in creating a happy and successful teenage son is to be a good parent. Duh.

But what is a good parent?

According to Terrence Real, in his book, I Don’t Want To Talk About It. Overcoming The Secret Legacy of Male Depression,  says, “Good parenting requires three elements: nurturing, limit setting, and guidance. A parent who is too absorbed to supply any one of these neglects the legitimate needs of the child”.

A good parent doesn’t have to be perfect, but they have to want to be involved in their teenage sons life. The best parents are the ones who are willing to be committed to their children by getting to know them, nurturing them, and accepting them for who they are and what they want to become.

Parents must realize their teenage sons will make mistakes, which is a natural way for humans to learn things.

The teenage son will challenge the ideas and beliefs of the parent but it is important to show unconditional love, have an open mind, and to set boundaries.

Don’t love them only when they get a good grade or do chores. Love them because you care about their development as a human. A son who knows he is loved no matter what, is a sign of trust which will give him confidence to create his own life and feel comfortable around his parents. This will help to create a healthy relationship between parent and teen son.

Remember, this is a time of exploration for your teenage sons and it is OK if there are unexpected detours because it can be a great way for him to learn, discover, and unveil his own identity.

teenage sons

3 thoughts on “Teenage Sons

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  2. My son can’t stand me! What should I do?? Here’s the details:
    My son is almost 18 yrs old. His father and I seperated when he was only 10 months old, so he has always known his parents are not together. He lived with me until he was 15 yrs old. I lived in So. Cal. but about 2 years ago, I had to move back home to Northern Cal, about 8 hours away. He’s never liked visiting this area & we would have to live with my parents, (we lived in our own house in So. Cal). When I brought up moving, his first response was “can’t I just go live with dad? I dont like it up there”. I knew I’d be fighting a losing battle since he wanted to move with his dad & his dad was already telling him how great things would be with him – so I finally gave in. But over the past couple years (since he’s been living with his dad), he has gotten VERY disrespectful towards me. He doesn’t talk to me if I call him to see how he is, (he just does the one-word answer to all my questions), he doesn’t like to visit me & gets upset if I have him come see me for more than a week & he already tells me once he turns 18, he wont have to see me anymore. He “admires” his father so things are very different there.
    I’ve noticed a couple things – his father is clearly trying more to be his friend than his father. Of course my son loves this, so in his eyes, dad is great! (I was always the protective one so all he sees is mom-mean, dad – nice). Also, my son gets these attitudes where he just doesn’t want to come visit me, Instead of his father encouraging him or telling him he should, he just tells ME “well he’s 17 years old – he knows what he wants”. But I don’t think he knows what is right! Guess I just want to know what I can do to get him to at least want to talk or see me :)

    • Hi Shawna,

      This is a challenging situation to deal with. I think any parent would be stressed and upset at the fact their son won’t talk or see them. The first thought is to talk to the father, only if you’re comfortable. Hopefully, he is able to see your side of things and then encourage the son to give you a call or visit.

      Also, have you asked the reasons why he doesn’t want to see you? How is he feeling? Getting to the root of the problem can reveal some interesting things. Maybe he feels abandoned or angry. Sincerely caring about his feelings and finding out what’s really going on is important.

      Are there any opportunities for you to see him for a weekend where he lives? It’s a good idea to create some type of agreement with him where you can spend a few hours, day or weekend together. Plan a weekend with him and ask for his input. Start slow and continue with it.

      For example, a mother can say, “It seems like you’re mad or upset when I talk to you. Whatever it is about, I’m willing to listen and understand how you feel. If you’re free for one weekend, I would love to spend time with you to talk and also get some food, catch a baseball game, or whatever you want to do. Tell me what you think?”

      The one thing to do is never give up. It seems like he hates you and doesn’t want to talk to you, but if you continue to try to improve the relationship things will get better.

      Also, check out question you can ask your son. Click here.

      Hope things get better! Feel free to reach out at contact@teenagesons.com

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